I have lived these first almost 40 years of my life without a mate. I can honestly say there haven’t even been any major attempts on my part at finding a mate.  There haven’t even been any attempts at major attempts. Perhaps a couple of attempts at attempts at major attempts (you know… some crushes, some persons of interest), but nothing even looking like a real dating/relationship situation. And forasmuch as I get some one-eyebrow-raised looks from people when I tell them I’m not dating anyone, I’m actually pretty content with this idea of being by myself.

Family and friends aside, I have lived a good portion of my life enjoying time to myself. Over the years, I’ve lived with (combinations of…) my mom, my grandma, my granddad, my father, my stepfather (the majority and best times being with my mom and grandma of course). I have to admit though, that my most interesting times have been the years when I’ve lived by myself. How am I not lonely you ask?

I guess there’s a fine line between alone and lonely. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy times with my friends and family, but there’s something to be said for the quiet, reflection, joy, and freedom that come from having alone time. I can think, dream, laugh, walk, run, and live the way I need to without the encumbrances of asking another if they’re ok or if it’s ok for me to do certain things. So far that hasn’t gotten old.

Face it, if I want to go on a trip (and I have the money and time to do so), I can go. I don’t have to find babysitters or ask if I can go. I can stay out late (though at almost 40, I can’t party like I used to. Hey, it’s dignified and ok to be home at a respectable hour!) Don’t be jealous. It’s the life I choose at the moment.

I was never one of those girls who dreamed about the wedding I wanted. You know what I mean. I remember being on the school bus when I was in middle school, listening to the girls compare wedding dress and decoration ideas (remember that one part in the movie Clueless where Stacy Dash’s character (Dione) was talking about how her bridesmaids would wear sailor hats? 🙂 I love that movie!) That was not me. Theater, movies, music (Boyz 2 Men was hot back then), choreographing dances to Salt n Pepa songs – those were the things of which great conversations were made for me at the time. What can I say… I’m a little different.

I enjoy being by myself, and I’m ok with that. I can go to my place of worship, the movies, restaurants, plays, on walks, run marathons (well, 5k’s, 10k’s, and half marathons to be exact) without a significant other, boyfriend, fiance, or husband. Is it an independent woman thing… the Natasha Bedingfield “Single” situation? Probably not so much for me. I’m not against dating or marriage. I’ve actually said for a very long time that “if it happens, it happens.” I just haven’t actively looked for romantic love and that may be one of the reasons why it hasn’t happened (that and I’m just a little different, and that’s ok :)).

There was this one time…

Well, I have many married (and divorced, and dating) friends. I’ve talked to a few of them about the good times and the bad times in their relationships. There was this one amazing conversation that I had with a friend who was divorced, and he talked with such fire about the things that he did not have in his first marriage that he would want in a subsequent marriage – little things that people tend to take for granted (like holding hands during prayer). I really hadn’t thought about those types of moments, and I’ll admit a tear came to my eye during the conversation.

That was honestly the one time in recent memory that I can say I felt like I was missing something in not having a mate. I got past it, but I remember the feeling that I had when I thought about having those types of moments with a special person. (I’m happy to say that my friend did find a special person to have those experiences with. That makes me happy.)

In the end, I stick with the thought that “if it happens, it happens”. I’ve found a great deal of contentment in my single state and look forward to the many adventures that I will have in that state. I have things to continue to work on for myself spiritually, mentally, emotionally, financially, and physically. I mean, if it does happen, I do want to be ready…