‘It has been accomplished.’ In the past 3 months, I have deactivated social media, completed a 24-hour digital detox, spent an hour floating (and sleeping) in salt water (very relaxing, I highly recommend), and accomplished a whole lot of scattered things that have at least made me progress in a greater awareness of myself. I am exiting this experiment having come to the conclusion that I know myself a lot better than I did when I moved to Arizona 13 years ago. Gone are the days when I would introduce myself by including the line “I am trying to ‘find myself’ in AZ.” I am Emerald, a work in progress. (I won’t bore you with specifics at the moment.) With this awareness, though, have come some realizations that I’m trying to work through.

For lack of a better way to say it, over the past 5 years, I have lost “my people.” I’ve found myself, but I’ve lost my people. (don’t laugh) I am comfortable with being by myself (I’ve talked about this in a previous blog post), but since my move to AZ, I have been privileged to find a small circle of close friends who have accomplished the seemingly impossible feat of overcoming the wall that is me. They’ve understood me and allowed me to be me. (They got me 🙂 )If I’m being honest, there have really been 2, with a few others who have come extra close. Unfortunately, I’m at a bit of a crossroads when it comes to who my closest friends are. Something’s different. And I don’t know if it’s just me… that’s what I need to figure out. Meanwhile, I am working on accepting (again) that things are not the same.

In my current small circle, I find myself as the only single person, childless (not to say that all of them have kids, but I have the combo – single and childless), and a couple of other “onlys” that don’t need to really be mentioned at the moment. Let’s just say that all of the “onlys” are stacking up and coming across a bit differently for me than they have in the past. I’m still contemplating why.

The Silver Lining – I have lost “my people” in that close sense of the phrase (for the moment), but I will always have a whole host of “people” who love me, will accept me, will help me, and who I will be there for and support wholeheartedly. Those friends will never go away. I’m good with that.

I will go into a little more about my experiences with this disconnection experiment in another post. This is just a brief reflection as this has recently been on my mind. I reactivated Facebook and Instagram June 1st, while in the midst of a physical cleanse for some weeks (maybe not the best time to reactivate?). We’ll see.

And now, to begin again… New adventures await…